In the midst of outfits and jewelry and all things girly I don't want to lose sight of why I started this blog; I want to be a living, breathing example of someone who doesn't give up, of someone who didn't let her circumstances get the best of her and of someone who may have been through exactly what you're going through.
This past year I went through the most challenging experience of my life; my divorce. My quick marriage and my divorce. So much guilt and embarrassment follow those words. I've spoken about this plenty but to type it out for all of you to read is different. But I believe I'm called to be open and honest about it. What good is my story if I tuck it away and hide it and don't ever share it. Someone will be able to use my story, of that I'm positive. I truly believe that there wasn't anything I could do to save my marriage. God could've sure, but instead He pulled me out. He wants better for me.
I don't know if I completely missed the mark and that the man I married wasn't a part of God's Will for me at all. Or maybe he was but when he lost sight of God he pulled everything down with him. Maybe it's both. I do know that like most hard things I'm stronger now. I'm wiser. I expect more. I won't settle and I'll pick up on warning signs.
More than everything I've learned, more than how far I think I've come, the most valuable thing is the growth I've seen with my relationship with my Savior. Wow. I have needed him now more than ever before. I always heard people talk about a personal relationship with Jesus I thought I had it. I didn't have it, at least not like I do now. It's been so intimate. For as much as I've told about this journey so much of it is still private, the sacred moments I had with Him. For so long I felt like He was the only one I could talk to. He allowed this to happen, He knew the why long before I ever would. I knew that if He had a reason for this it had to be for some good. And the pain I was feeling was going to lead to good. I knew that He wouldn't give me more that I could handle, I knew that he had ordained this and that I needed to let Him be my strength. That we would absolutely get through it, together.
How absolutely amazing is it that when I was going through all of this and God was my absolute strength, He was every other believers absolute strength too. He is so big but yet he's so near. I used to wonder how out of the whole world God could still hear me. He can. He does. If nothing else ever comes from this heartbreak I've been through, my refined relationship with Christ is absolutely more than enough. He is more than enough.
Did I still make mistakes, absolutely one hundred percent, yes. I'm sorry for those. But I've learned from them. I gave away so much of my power to this world, to a man who didn't treat me right. To someone who didn't deserve it. Not that anyone ever really deserves your power. Sure some people deserve your loyalty or companionship or attention or love or friendship but power is a tricky thing to own and tame and it's not something that should be given freely, if at all. We are powerful in Christ. Too absolutely precious to be lost with someone who doesn't treat you right, to be begging for attention from someone who doesn't even deserve a moment of your presence. And when I learned that it changed everything. And I stand in such freedom now. To God be the glory. You don't have to live in bondage to mistakes of your past. And there's nothing sweeter.
I don't ever want to stray too far from this story and I don't want to forget where I've been. But I do desire to move through it and to simply live. So I think I'll sort of leave it here to rest. If anyone ever needs someone to talk to, for any reason, I'll be glad to talk about it then.
"No guilt in life, no fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me; from life's first cry to final breath Jesus commands my destiny. No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand; till He returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I'll stand."
XOXO,
K
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